Taking the frustration out of parenting.
Some parenting suggestions you might want to embrace.
If your children are coming to you saying that they are bored, there are many great things that can be done to foster thinking, problem solving, creativity, imagination and initiative. We can start off by limiting TV and other screen entertainment and encouraging any signs of initiative. We can take our children out and encourage them to have visitors to the home. Providing many different, safe materials for our children to explore, experience and play with, is really good for our kids. They need to have a wide variety of experiences that stimulate all of their senses.
TV and other screen games
TV and screen games have their place if used in moderation. I would suggest not more than 2 hours a day for children over 3, and much less, if any, under that age. Children need a lot more than activities that primarily stimulate the senses of sight and hearing.
Show enthusiasm and encourage effort If your child comes to you to show you something she or he has created, it is smart to comment specifically on the positive aspects of the article. Eg a hat made from paper or a rocket made from a cardboard tube. It is not necessary to tell your child what else he could add to it, unless he asks specifically for that. It is not wise to take over and make a better one. We need to encourage any effort, improvement and strength so that our children feel empowered and confident.
Setting a healthy example
If our children can see us creating, investigating, inquiring, exploring and problem solving, they will be more likely to follow suit.
Taking children out
There are a huge number of excellent places to visit with our children, such as parks, beaches, forests, gardens, museums, zoos, concerts, libraries etc. Children can smell flowers and plants; taste sour, bitter, salty and sweet, spicy foods; run, jump, climb, dig, skip, paddle, build, talk to the animals, learn about the present and past world, listen to and watch musicians in action, and so much more.
Visiting people and inviting them over
Social experiences in and out of the home with friends, relatives and visitors, are very important for our children’s development. They can find out that others are different and similar in many ways; that we need to co-operate and negotiate so that we are all content; that sharing and taking turns and following rules is a positive thing to do. Other people can enrich our children’s lives by showing and telling them things that they might not have already experienced.
Different materials for art and craft
Children need to be exposed to a large variety of age appropriate and safe materials in different combinations so that they can play and experiment and make their own creations. This will develop our children’s intellectual, physical, emotional, social and language skills. We don’t need to spend a fortune. Re-cycled products such as cardboard cylinders, boxes, fabric etc, are great. Garden materials such as leaves, flowers, seeds, seed pods, bark and grasses are terrific. Children naturally love to build, tear, squash, mix, break, cut, decorate, draw, paint, etc.
Rotate toys
It’s wise to limit the amount of materials and toys that children are presented with and to gradually increase the number of materials they have access to at one time, as they grow. An older child needs to know the whereabouts, and be able to use different products safely. He or she needs to be expected to put back the items after use, so that others can find these things at a later date. It is smart to keep dangerous things out of reach of younger children and to teach older children to either keep dangerous items away from siblings, or for them to supervise their brothers and sisters closely. Young children have very short attention spans and will need frequent changes of toys and materials. If we can store these things in an organised manner with labels and appropriate stackable containers, our lives will be made much easier.
Fostering inquiring minds
If your child wants to know the answer to something, it’s a good idea to encourage her or him to think about the answer her or himself. We can ask further questions to foster thinking. Our child can be encouraged to find an answer in a book, on the internet, or by asking someone who is likely to have the answer. If the child is really young, you can do the research together.
Helping others
We can empower our children and teach them compassion by asking them to think of ways to help others that are less fortunate eg giving clothes and toys, that are no longer being used, to charities, fundraising, etc.
Imagination and Creativity
Construction activities such as lego and blocks, allow our children to build something of their choice and, as they grow, to visualise an idea before they create. These types of activities are great for more than one child or adult, and allow for co-operation, collaboration and sharing of ideas.
Helping children discover their unique interests and talents
I am a strong believer in exposing children to lots of different experiences, and finding out what they are good at, and interested in, fairly early in their lives. In this way children can keep developing their passions and will gain a lot of satisfaction and stimulation. If they can discover their interests and talents early, they will be motivated to learn and do many enriching related activities. We need to allow our children to follow their own interests, not what we wish for them to do.
Posted by Carole Disseldorp on
tags: stimulation, initiative, boredom, thinking, problem solving, creativity, imagination
"Put it back right now!"
3 year old Sarah is in the toy shop with her mum. They are buying a birthday present for Sarah’s friend. She really wants the sparkly purple fairy wings that are on display for herself and starts to put pressure on her mum. Initially she asks nicely, with a pleading expression and voice. That doesn’t work so she starts whining. Mum doesn’t concede so she then tells her mum, in persuasive tones, how much she wants it. Mum wants to please her daughter and thinks the wings are very beautiful and knows how much Sarah would love to wear them. She forgets about her budget and succumbs to the urging.
4 year old Thomas is having lunch with his Nanna. He is hungry and wants his sandwich now, this instant! He bangs his plate on the bench and taps his cup annoyingly on the plate. Nanna feels obliged to hurry so that her grandson’s hunger can be appeased.
Jane, who is 2 years old, is tired of playing on her own after 5 minutes, and asks her step-dad, who is paying bills, to play a game with her. He tells her that he is too busy and that she needs to play on her own for a while. Jane starts whinging.
5 year old Jim is spending a few hours with his uncle while his dad works. Jim decides to ride his bike on the concrete driveway. Fred tells him that he needs to put on his helmet, but Jim says he’ll be careful and jumps on the bike without the head gear. Several minutes later, while the uncle is still looking for the helmet, Jim comes in crying. He has fallen off and knocked his head. Fred worries about his nephew for the rest of the day.
It is possible to teach improved self-control to children of all ages by having certain expectations, by using encouragement and deliberate ignoring, and by refusing to cave in to children’s demands. It’s wise to start early and to be aware of the child’s developmental level. Children are born with differing temperaments, but they can be expected to wait for things that they want, and accept that there are some things they won’t be able to have. Some children are more innately able to control their urges than others. There are particular situations where children find it harder to resist their urges eg. walking through a lolly isle in the supermarket or visiting a toy shop.
The younger the child, the more promptly we need to meet his/her needs for attention. Eg. milk, cuddles, comfort, stimulation etc. As the child grows she/he can gradually be expected to wait longer for his/her needs to be met. Children naturally want many things eg. toys, food, clothing, play with an adult, help etc but that doesn’t mean that we should automatically give them what they want. Parents/carers often give unwisely when a child nags, whines, yells or when they are feeling guilty for some reason eg. working long hours, the child was injured in an accident, the child’s parents have split up. It is important to sort out wants and needs and to meet the child’s needs in a way that is respectful to the parents/carers and the child. Our goal should be to raise our child to be a decent human being, not to be popular with her/him.
It is easy to notice poor behaviour and to comment on that, but it is harder to find good behaviour and make a specific positive comment about it. This encouragement will boost the child’s ego and will have the effect of re-enforcing the favourable conduct. Playing down negative behaviour is a skill that can be learnt with practice. We need to tell the child once or sometimes twice to stop the unacceptable behaviour and then, if it is not causing physical damage to a person or object, it can be deliberately ignored. We can walk away or look away from older children. Our gaze can be diverted away from younger children, whilst keeping an eye on them, to ensure their safety. On the other hand, when our child tries hard, progresses in something, co-operates or excels in a task, we need to pay attention and comment sincerely on a regular basis.
Our children are tempted by many advertisements, enticing displays, friend’s possessions, as are adults, but it is vital that they learn to use self control so that they can get on well with others, be safer, follow directions, save their ( and their parents) money and decide what is important in the long term.
It is a lot easier to start teaching our children to wait and think about something carefully before acting, than deciding to teach them when they are older. It is essential that we not give in to their wants whenever they are whining, crying, whinging, having a tantrum, yelling or hurting us. This doesn’t mean that our children are deprived, but we need to consider their requests carefully and let them know when or if they can have something, as soon as they ask properly. Refraining from too many don’ts and no’s and letting children know what they are allowed to do is helpful. It’s even better if we can remain calm and kind. Endeavouring to make tasks enjoyable, by creating games and being enthusiastic, works well too.
A degree of self – regulation generally begins at around 12 to 18 months. At 24 months a child is better able to use self control when a parent is not present. By about 36 months a child can internalise parental direction.
Posted by Carole Disseldorp on
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A once well-behaved and lovable toddler can become an entirely different child following the birth of a brother or sister. He may become aggressive, un-cooperative, stubborn, clingy, noisy or easily upset. He may even bite his sibling or others, scream excessively or cry a lot. Accepting a new baby takes adjustment and time and the toddler needs to be handled sensitively and sensibly. A toddler under 3 tends to act on impulse and has difficulty recognising and managing his feelings. He also wants to be independent. Once a toddler reaches around 3 years old, he is usually better able to express his feelings, needs and opinions in difficult situations or conficts. He is better able to resist the urge to harm others or property, especially if disciplined appropriately. My suggestions are as follows:-
Change expectations
Some jealousy from a very young sibling is normal and needs to be expected and allowed for.
Give responsibility
It is good to help your toddler to feel grown up and competent by giving her some tasks to do that she is keen to do. It may be simpler, quicker and easier to do them yourself, but we need to consider the toddler’s wellbeing. Eg getting a nappy or wipe for mum or dad, entertaining the baby, getting an item of clothing. Let your child know that you appreciate her help and that she is able to do certain things that the baby can’t manage yet, but will be able to in the future.
Express love and affection frequently
Cuddles, hugs and kisses need to be given to our toddler (as well as the baby) often, to show that we love our child unconditionally.
Hospital visits for your toddler
Try to get hospital visitors to engage with your toddler when he visits. You can prompt visitors by talking about your toddler in a positive way with specific words of encouragement. It’s a good idea also to organise some simple activities for the toddler, that don’t create much mess. Your toddler will also feel important if he can introduce the visitors to his baby brother or sister.
Give and organise plenty of attention
Children (and teenagers) never get tired of showing off, and we would do well to notice and comment enthusiastically. It is valuable to give our toddler time with mum and dad and with Nanna and Pop or with siblings or close trusted friends, if possible.
Active listening
Children need lots of opportunity to verbalise their feelings and thoughts. They need to feel accepted and validated when they do so. We can give our toddler the opportunity to draw or act out her feelings too, especially toddlers who don’t speak very much.
One on one time
Our child will feel very special if we can give, or organise, time for him to play or go out with mum, dad, Nanna, Pop or another trusted and well-know person. This individual attention will help your child to accept the new baby and to feel loved and loveable.
Teach appropriate behaviour
Young children need to be told and shown how to interact with their baby sibling in a calm and soothing manner. They need many gentle reminders from a patient parent or carer, but not nagging.
Encourage appropriate behaviour
Toddlers can be encouraged for improvement, effort, co-operation and for their strengths. Focusing on what your toddler is doing right will improve your child’s behaviour dramatically, if it is done on a regular basis.
Do not allow hurting behaviour
Tell your child to stop hurting a person or animal or to stop being rough with property. She needs to know and be told what she can and can’t do on a consistent basis. We need to be firm and authoritative, not passive or authoritarian.
Re-direction
If you can see your child’s behaviour going downhill, it is often a smart idea to give your child an alternative activity or to suggest something else he could do. This proposal could be related to the activity he is engaging in. Eg if he wants to jump near the baby, he could be steered toward a large cushion nearby. If he wants to dress or wrap the baby, he could be given a baby doll to care for.
Immediate consequence for hurting behaviour that continues after telling child to stop
If the toddler continues to hurt the baby or another child, she needs to be told firmly to stop. If she doesn’t, she needs to be told to play away from that child on her own for a couple of minutes. If she continues with the naughty behaviour, she needs to be led to a mat, large cushion, bean bag or spot nearby and asked to stay there for 2 minutes. If the child moves away, she needs to be taken back to this spot and kept there for 2 minutes (1 minute per year of age). If this is done consistently the child will get the message that it is totally unacceptable to hurt another person (or animal). Consequences need to be respectful, reasonable and related (if possible) and applied straight away.
Positive power
Children thrive on positive power. We can give limited choices in many situations eg. Would you like to eat this or this? Would you like to wear this t-shirt or this one? We can ask their opinion on something or give them a say in what is going to happen. We can get their input on the running of the household or the choice of a game to play during one on one time.
Physical activity - inside and outside for toddler and parents
Children and parents need lots of physical activity on a regular basis for health, immunity, fitness and to deal with stress effectively. During physical activity, children are developing gross and fine motor control and hand eye co-ordination. Going for walks with the baby in the pram or sling is an excellent way to get exercise, fresh air and conversation.
Routine
Having a daily routine will provide some predictability for your toddler and yourself which will be settling for all family members. Whilst it is preferable to have a routine, there are occasions where it will be broken and we need to have the flexibility to go with the flow. This will be beneficial for our children as well, so that they learn to manage change in positive ways.
Self-care
I would strongly recommend that parents don’t try to do too much after a new baby comes along. This is a good time to prioritise, delegate and ask for some assistance. This is the time for parents to ensure that they are getting proper nutrition and water; that they can lean on each other for help ; that they can ask relatives and friends to pitch in with shopping, looking after the toddler or baby, etc. When the baby is asleep, mum or dad can either play or read or lie down with the toddler. When the baby and toddler are asleep, mum or dad can catch up on sleep or do something she or he really enjoys. Another family member or friend can play with the toddler while mum or dad and baby have a snooze.
Calm demeanour
A calm and friendly demeanour most of the time will send the message to your toddler that you are in charge of your emotions; that you are in control.
Prepare child for birth of sibling
Your toddler needs to know what is coming in the future. Let him know that you are having a baby, but it won’t be for a long time. Let your toddler feel the baby kicking and show him what the baby looks like at different stages by borrowing or purchasing some good simple books. He needs to be part of the whole build up of this exciting and significant milestone. He needs to know, in simple language , when you are getting ready to have the baby and that the baby will cry and sleep a lot in the beginning. It is wise to explain where the baby will come from; the fact that the baby will be small and unable to care for him or herself. He also needs to know that he will be able to play and talk with the brother or sister more when he gets older.
Minimise changes around the birth of child
If you have decided to move your child into a bed, it is best to do this well before the baby is born, so that the child has a feeling of security at this time, particularly at bed time. It is good to explain what will be happening to your toddler when ‘mummy’ has the baby. It is also wise to get your child used to her father or other significant family member or friend so that she is happy to spend some time with this person.
Keep safety uppermost
When the baby comes into your lives, the toddler will still need to be carefully supervised and kept safe. It is smart to get into the habit of putting sharp things, cords, chemicals, medications, appliances, hot things, containers or water etc out of reach. A first aid kit needs to be kept complete and in one safe place.
Stimulating and relevant activities
When feeding your baby, you may like to encourage your toddler to feed and attend to a doll or soft toy close by. A drink can be given to mum and the toddler during feeding time. The toddler can be provided with special toys and books that the baby doesn’t have access to, so that he feels more grown up and responsible. These things can be brought out when the baby is asleep.
In conclusion
Enlisting help is vital after the baby is born and you are not expected, nor need you try, to be a supermum. After your second child is born, your toddler will learn, first hand, about another human being; her or his temperament, child development, sharing skills, taking turns and negotiating and gradually understand feelings and needs of others. Toddlers teach us parents to be adaptable and flexible, and to how to problem solve.
Posted by Carole Disseldorp on
tags: toddler behaviour, new baby and toddler, jealous toddler, behaviour tips, parenting tips, modelling, encouragement, teaching, re-direction, consequences, expectations, nurture, preparing toddler for birth
It is to every family member’s advantage if we can encourage sound resting and sleeping habits in our youngsters. We all need to be calmed and rejeuvenated from the many experiences and stresses we have each day. We all need differing amounts of sleep and have differing temperaments.
Toddlers need around 10-12 hours sleep at night and around 2 hours in the middle of the day. Our children’s brains and body need sufficient sleep in order to develop properly. Toddlers are by nature, wanting to be independent and we need to support this in positive, acceptable ways.
There are certain strategies that we can use to encourage rest and sleep in our young ones. These include rituals, physical activity, routines, affection, reassurance, consistency, giving positive attention and power, good communication, an authoritative parenting style, recognising signs of tiredness, preparing the sleep room and providing quality nutrition and water.
Preparing the Sleep Room
The sleep room needs to be fairly dark and very safe, remembering that your child may climb out and explore. A child under 2 should not use a pillow as it is unsafe. It is not necessary for the family members to suddenly do everything quietly as children can sleep with background noise. A night light or dimmer can be provided if your child complains that it is too dark. It is a good idea to check your child before retiring for the night, to see if he/she is in his/her cot/bed and comfortably warm. If your child tends to wake early in the morning, you may want to invest in thicker curtains.
Recognising signs of tiredness
When your youngster is tired she/he may rub her/his eyes, blink a lot, yawn, become grumpy, cry, be overactive, clumsy, and fussy with food. Your child is likely to lose interest in toys and be rather clingy and look tired. Your child’s eyes may become watery looking.
Safety
We need to make sure that there is nothing sharp in the bedroom and that any chords are out of reach. Young children can be quite adept at climbing so we need to ensure that large furniture such as bookshelves and drawers are unable to be tipped over. Windows need to be secured so that the child can’t escape. Electrical appliances must be out of reach or removed and any stairs near the room gated in case the child is able to get out of the room. Young children are experts at fiddling with paint or wallpaper if it is peeling and we need to fix this situation. Bottles of milk or water should not be left in bed with young children as this is dangerous. Some young children go through a phase of head-banging. It is wise for the parents to not pay too much attention to this. He/she can be distracted in some way. It is normally fairly short lived. If not, check with a doctor.
Ritual
The toddler bedtime ritual can begin between 6.30 and 7.30 generally. Young children can be bathed, fed, given some water, his/her nappy changed or the potty/toilet visited, pyjamas put on and teeth cleaned. Try to use a positive and calm tone when leading your child to the bathroom and bedroom. Tell your child that she/he can have 2 stories (perhaps one of her/his choice and one that you pick) when she/he is ready for bed. Spend some time asking questions about the stories or books, and then talk to your child about his/her day. I used to ask mine for a good thing that happened and a bad thing. It’s a good idea to listen actively and validate your child’s feelings. You may like to talk about something interesting that is coming in the future or tell your own story. Then tell your chid that it is rest time and you would like him/her to stay in his/her cot/bed to rest. Give your child a comfort object and a book, if she/he wants them. Then give a kiss and a hug and say goodnight. If your child cries, allow him/her to cry for a couple of minutes before going back and repeating that it is rest time and that he/she needs to stay in his/her cot/bed. Give a pat and leave for 4 minutes. If your child is still crying repeat the aforementioned and wait for 6 minutes before going back in. Providing your child is well, she/he will get the message that you will not be allowing her/him to come out of her/his room after bedtime. If you give in, your child is likely to cry hard next time to get your attention. If your child gets up, lead him/her back to bed each time and make it clear that he/she needs to stay in his/her bed and quieten down; that it is bed time. Of course you need to keep an ear out for safety reasons. If you do this consistently your child will get the message. If your child gets out of bed during the night, after sleeping awhile, let her/him know firmly that it is sleeping time and that she/he needs to go back to bed and again lead her/him back. It is best to not re-enforce inappropriate behaviour, by giving the minimum of attention. I would only give a little water if your child is thirsty, at night. Children need to learn to self soothe more at night time, I believe. You can give plenty of cuddles and attention during the day. If your child goes to bed without a fuss and sleeps without getting up until the sun rises, it is good to praise him/her for his/her co-operation.
If your child is unwell, then all this advice goes out the window! When your child is sick, try not to put words into your child’s mouth. Ask her/him where it hurts and go from there.
For daytime rests/sleeps, your child can be encouraged to rest for about an hour. If he/she is not asleep after that time I would get him/her up. It’s a good idea to put your child in the cot/bed at around the same time in the afternoon and let her/him know that it is rest time; that she/he can read or play quietly but needs to stay in the cot/(room if older) for an hour. The room needs to be safe and the parent needs to be in earshot. After an hour, the parent/carer can go in and pick the child up if he/she is awake. It is not wise to let your child sleep for longer than a couple of hours during the day, unless your child is ill, to aid night time sleeping.
Affection and Reassurance and Attention
Our children will find it hard to sleep and rest if they are tense or worried about something. We can help them to relax by giving lots of hugs and kisses and encouragement throughout the day. Children, and parents, also thrive when given lots of attention for positive behaviour. If we can give our youngster lots of limited choices throughout each day, they will feel empowered and important. We can also listen to them carefully and try to work out what it is that is troubling them. We can ask specific questions as well. Their body language can reveal much about their emotional state. Toddlers can be upset about things which we might not be aware of such as vacuum cleaners, thunder, lightening and balloons popping. We need to reflect feelings and thoughts, explain what has happened, is happening and will be occurring in age-appropriate language. Changes and loss can be quite unsettling. If our comforting efforts are insufficient and our child is depressed or anxious, then we need to get some professional help, usually starting with a visit to the Doctor’s.
Physical Activity and Nutrition
Youngsters will normally be fairly active and this needs to be promoted, so that they can climb, jump, swing and run regularly. This will be beneficial for health, immunity and mood. It’s wise not to have too much activity prior to bedtime though. Similarly a balanced, healthy diet is essential, making sure that drinks are not overdone before bedtime.
Routines
Having a routine gives some predictability and helps children, and parents, to feel more secure and settled. It also makes daily life easier and more organised. Having meals and morning and afternoon snacks at fairly consistent times can be beneficial, as can sleep and rest times. We, of course, need to be flexible with this when this isn’t possible. As our children get older they need less and less sleep and we need to accommodate this and make the bed time a little later, when it’s appropriate. When my kids were very young, I remember getting into a nice routine many times, and then their needs would change. They certainly know how to teach us flexibility and adaptability!!
Differences
There are cultural and parental differences in sleep experiences for children. Children in some families will sleep with their parents, in the same bed or a different cot/bed in the same room. Some children will sleep in a different room to the parents. Some parents prefer to use dummies and or baby monitors while others don’t.
Before Toddler hood
For the first 3 to 6 months, babies often don’t really have much of a day/night routine and it’s wise for parents to be fairly flexible and lower their expectations of getting their normal nights sleep.
More helpful tips
After 6 months night feeds can gradually be shortened and water offered at night if your child is thirsty.
It is wise to have more than one comfort toy in case one is misplaced.
If the child is spending time away from home, it is good to provide at least one comfort object that the child normally has at bed time.
It is also good to get your child used to the other parent and friend putting him/her to bed occasionally, in case one parent needs to be absent for whatever reason.
If dummies are used, gradual withdrawal will make life much easier for all family members. Beginning with non-rest/sleep times is a good idea.
An older child sharing a room can be put to bed a little later, after the younger one has gone to sleep.
A sleep diary can be useful if you are experiencing lots of problems getting your child to sleep. This can provide a good record for other professionals to give help.
Parents/carers need to communicate effectively with their children and use an authoritative style of parenting so that their children are more confident, secure and bedtime battles are avoided.
Lots of stimulating activities during the day are beneficial as well.
Parents/carers know their children the best and would do well to trust their instincts. Listening to others and reading information about child-rearing can also be valuable.
If sleep problems are still persisting, a doctor should be seen for advice and possible referral.
Parents/carers also need to be careful to meet their own needs as best they can and reach out for help from friends and/or health professionals when they are feeling overwhelmed or not coping with life in general.
Posted by Carole Disseldorp on
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“Listen to what I Say!”
When consistently practised by parents and children, effective communication skills will bring about a greatly enhanced family life. The importance of conversing regularly and positively with children cannot be underestimated. Learning to communicate properly and to understand the basics of child development can make a big difference to our lives. Having interesting conversations with our children and really listening to them will help to build a satisfying relationship with them. Showing that we care about their well-being and their growth as well-rounded citizens is vital. As our children advance, they will tend to follow the example of the key people in their lives.
Listening and Speaking Skills
When someone is listening fully they usually use eye contact, they make regular utterances and their faces keep changing expression. They turn toward us. They may ask questions or reflect back meaning or feelings. Children will greatly appreciate being carefully listened to. We need to be careful not to interrupt or change the topic that they are talking about. If we can truly listen and validate their emotions and thoughts we will be better able to bond positively with them. Eg “You seem to be pretty upset that Nanna is leaving.” We also need to try to imagine an experience from our child’s perspective. Eg” The vacuum cleaner is pretty loud and scarey isn’t it?” or “Starting Secondary College is pretty daunting isn’t it?” Speaking properly means getting the volume, intonation, wording, tone and phrasing right. It is vital that we move close, get down to their level and speak with enthusiasm and a calm manner most of the time. If our older children ask us to do something or ask for a particular thing, we do not need to answer yes or no immediately. We can tell them that we will consider the request for a certain amount of time. Eg” I will have a think about it for a while and let you know at lunch time”. We then need to follow through with letting them know at that time. Sometimes we need to consult with others, including family members. If we decide to deny the request, it’s a good idea to give a reason and refuse to be provoked into an argument. “I don’t want you to go down the street without footwear, because there may be broken glass on the ground and you could cut yourself.” Our children often need to be soothed and comforted when they are upset. Body language is very important. We need to encourage thinking and problem solving by getting our children to think about what they would like to happen. “How could we save electricity in our home?”
Explanations for preventing angst
Young children need to be constantly kept informed of what is happening and what is coming up in order for them to feel secure and safe. Eg This afternoon, after your sleep, we will be going to the supermarket to get some milk and bread”. When we leave our children with others or on their own, we need to let them know where we are going and when we will return. A young child can be told that we will be back after lunch or after their sleep for example. They also need to know who will be looking after them and be familiar with that person. We may need to spend time with both the carer and our child, so that she can feel more secure when we leave. It is important to say goodbye with a hug and kiss and to leave straight away. The younger child may be upset but will settle soon after the parent leaves, if he is normally a stable child. Of course, picking our child up on time is extremely important in the early years, in order for trust to develop. A child who has a problem doesn’t have a realistic idea of how long the issue will affect him and needs reassurance. “Sarah will take good care of you until I come back and your teddy is in your bag”. Giving children a choice between two things can empower them and lead to better co-operation. Eg. “Would you like to wear this or this?” or “Would you like to go to this park or this one? Encouraging Verbalisation Asking questions regularly throughout the day is one of the ways to encourage our children to express themselves articulately. If we can show interest, resist interrogating and abstain from being judgemental, our children will be more likely to share their experiences, feelings and thoughts. Sometimes they need to talk for a while to get things off their chests. Encouraging children to ask properly for what they want, and not responding to grunts (when the child can do better), is wise. If we notice that our children’s language is imperfect and we criticise their efforts constantly, our children will feel frustrated and deficient, and are likely to talk to us less often. Children need lots of encouragement and virtually no criticism. Sharing our own ideas, emotions and experiences in suitable language for our children will motivate them to verbalise as well. “I am feeling sad because my best friend is moving a long way away”. We need to be careful not to overwhelm them with too much information though. Crucial Conversations Having interesting and friendly conversations with our children will improve our relationship with them significantly. They love to hear about our experiences in the past and present, and our plans for the future. Even babies that can’t express themselves in words will adore our animated voices. Older children appreciate a humourous story and will join in with their own ditties. We can ask our children open-ended questions to encourage them to share their observations, thoughts, knowledge and feelings. Eg, “What happened at the excursion today” or “What do you think about _?” It is really important for parents to organise regular occasions for conversing eg, mealtimes, driving times, bed times and screen-free times. We don’t always need to talk with older children straight away. They are able to wait a little while until we wish to talk about a particular matter. If we criticise our children when they open up to us, they are less likely to confide in us in the future. We would do well to distinguish the behaviour from the child and refrain from calling the child a derogatory name. Eg “Stupid boy, Bad child, You are hopeless!” It is good if we can admit when we are wrong. Sometimes our children remind us of experiences we had when growing up, and it is great if we can share some of these. Eg “When I was a girl, I got into big trouble for playing near the creek and falling in with my school uniform on.” When children ask questions, it is often wise to find out what the child already knows so that we can be more relevant to their understanding. Eg “What do you know about smoking?” Children need to know what is negotiable and what is not, on a consistent basis. “If you want to eat a sandwich you need to sit at the table here or outside”. This avoids a lot of argument. It is quite acceptable to turn away or walk away from a child who is attempting to provoke an argument in order to gain power or attention.
Linguistic Experiences
One of my favourite ways of developing language in children is sharing books with them. We can sit close to them, read, ask them to find things on the page, ask them what is coming up and get their opinion on something. We can be reminded of things that we have done in the past that we can tell our children about. We might suggest that our children make something or research a particular subject that is of special interest to them. We may wish to teach something that we feel the child might benefit from, or we might clarify something that the child is confused about or interested in. We may be reminded of a song that is related to something we read to them and maybe even get to sing it! Running commentaries, where we tell our youngsters what we are doing and what we can see, are really valuable for language acquisition when our children are young.
Here are some suggestions for linguistic experiences:
• Library
• Outings
• Songs
• Puppets
• Talking cds, DVDs, films,
• Socialising with friends, family.
• Cooking
• Art and Craft activities
• Telling and Reading stories, books.
Posted by Carole Disseldorp on
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